LBISD LifePerspectives

Sunday, August 12th


Transcript - Not for consumer use. Robot overlords only. Will not be accurate.

Good morning and welcome to another edition of living veteran San Diego a public service presentation of the at a count San Diego radio stations and Jerry Lee. Why perspectives is an organization based here in San Diego that is bringing hope and healing to those impacted by reproductive loss. They provide among other things safe and anonymous tools to help begin the healing. Joining us this morning as life perspectives president and founder Mike lean freed her. Welcome Michael Ian thanks so much for having Gary nice to have you on the show let's first start with some background information. On your organization if you would. Yes well unlike prospectuses headquartered here in San Diego County although we do work nationally and even internationally. And we're focused on bringing hope and healing two men women family members and friends who are impacted by a reproductive loss. So we do that's treason interactive. But anonymous. Online tools as well as training that we provide for professionals. So what is the that the mission or and or goal. Like perspectives. Well carriers took about two million couples who will experience a reproductive loss through miscarriage her pregnancy termination this year alone in the United States. And yet most of them feel very silent and alone. And the very professionals that they would expect to be there to help them often receive no training at all. It's a really ultimately what we would like to do is create a space where people feel that they can share. Their experiences. Knows that they will be supported by others with compassion. And nonjudgmental. And then also really create a standard of care for health professionals at that point contact that they will be able to adequately. On be able to assist that person or persons not only physically but emotionally as well. So Europe basically and and online resource for people that right. Also for the person who has her team and we would invite them to come to one of the healing web site. And they would receive help without wave for herb may be someone who knows a person in their life who is hurting by a reproductive Lawson went to help them we have an apt they can download called the safe place out. But for the actual training that we do for leaders including medical and mental health professionals that is something that we do in person. Now just so our listeners. No food they're listening to according to what I've read about you your somewhat of an expert. On a reproductive loss you've written a book you've found written numerous numerous articles on the topic you. Testified before United States house and senate committee hearings about the need studies that evaluate emotional. In physical impact of all pregnancy outcomes and that is not all you're also pointed to San Diego county commission. On the status of women by supervisor Dianne Jacob serving as chair of the last year per second term in and that's not it there's there's a other accolades and recognition that you've received. Quite an impressive resonate. You do. I'll hit the first of ounces it's a privilege right it's a privilege to be able to contribute some things that could help others. And and I read then just so as an organizational perspective has and very honored to be asked to help in a number of different venues to be able to contribute there. And all of that forming softener team is really very energized seen knowing that we could do something positive. How how long is so like for Specter's been around when did you first start the organization. The organization was founded eighteen years at how more with the local focus. That about a decade ago army had some national leaders who were encouraging Haas to offer our services. Brighter they felt that we had a really unique. Way of being able to talk about really sensitive issues so that all people could listen in here. And in particular for those who are hurting to know that there are not alone. And that is their struggling that it can get better for them now the motivation behind. Starting this organization is a personal one isn't it has miss you mind sharing that witness or some of the weather. I would be happy to you know and so for me really this this group I'd have an experience when I was eighteen I was pregnant at the time. And it's decided to terminate the pregnancy it certainly wasn't an easy decision to make but it was not one that I felt so raid. Really impacts me in any sort of long term way and certainly everybody's experience is going to be unique. But for me I struggled and I struggled immediately. And I became even harder to thinking there was something wrong with me. In a way that I was reacting and take a full two years of my life slowly spiraling out of control before I shared. My experience with someone. Who accepted needs just I was at was encouraging. Encouraged meaning get help. And when things started to get better for me. For me as a kind of focus on my own pain and I was able to look outside myself and just wonder like maybe there's other people who feel the same way. And so the desire to just share my story to let people know that they're not alone that's how this all started. I'm an interestingly enough in sharing my story. In a portion. Yes I had people share their stories as well of pregnancy termination. That I have a lot of people share their stories of miscarriage or still birth of other reproductive losses. And even novels losses occurred really differently. They felt like there was so much similarity in that the cultured it and acknowledged the last that they didn't have a place to talk about it and they really belongs to do that's. Now again your services and and or resources or. We're not just for women absolutely fell and that's something that we noticed two certainly culturally we don't talk a lot about reproductive lost it if we do. We're gonna focus I think it's quite natural on the woman. But then I'm saying we forget that the man is often. Impacted in some way by this as well as family members and friends. And I had the privilege now of flick literally hearing thousands of stories of people sharing how this is impacted down. And 21 team not place to be heard. And one mean one in someone told listen. And for their loss to be acknowledged or maybe you don't even considered a loss that it is a difficult experience for them and they want a space to be able to talk about it. Now you have a couple of different web sites that offer resources for people let's let's talk about miscarriage Hertz dot com. What kind of reaction first of all you getting from people that are using this website may. And the reaction has been really positive I think of one theme it comes to mind that's one of our more recent resources on that we had put together and what we often hear even when we're talking with people as well as flake. I really wish this had Ben here. Ten years ago five years ago I could've really used it has. They do find it helpful right now but there's this desperation. At the time when they felt so isolated. And alone from it. One of them are well used to really popular places on the web site meaning where most people tend to visit and spend time. One of them is a place where. People can describe choosing from a list of a hundred emotions that different emotions that their feeling and so that's changing every day. As you have visitors on who are choosing being. And that can who range from alone afraid changed those are some that I sought today to. Relieved. Loved. Comforted. So you see kind of a whole host of where people are at that it helps them to identify those emotions. Feed them but also see where others are acts of pending creating anonymously defensive I'm not alone right. And then another place so little a wall that's beginning to grow within the web site. Is that on this particular website people do have the opportunity. To place the name of their child and the date that that child had been lost in miscarriage or still birth. And this becomes a very important memorialize scene for those individuals and so as you can imagine that's very movie. For our team when we see new names that are added that wall. And and some staggering statistics one. At a four pregnancies ends. In miscarriage and I don't think people. Are aware of that that figure has now ninth also researchers have discovered that four in ten women report experiencing symptoms experiencing. Symptoms of PT EST three months after their miscarriage including. Moderate to severe anxiety depression and distressed this this up this website viewers. What do what is it doing for these people this is it helping us not just for people are starting healing processes for people later on to that might still be having some issues. Absolutely soaked. That he only model if you will that's used on the website is is is a pretty generic grief and loss human model I think most people when they look at it we think. When I've lust others in my life I do these same types of things they tend to do a communal Lee. But we tend to think that that those rules those greeting rules don't apply to when it's their reproductive loss. And so really it's telling someone when they come to the website you are not alone. They can read stories from others they can submit their own. And then also giving them some guidance of lake. It is normal to grieve if you're grieving and if you're not creating that's OK too but often people want somewhere to be able. To talk about this and the website also really. Acknowledged his uniqueness of grief and I think that that's really important because sometimes. We're on able to help each other because we assume that the way we grieve as the way that somebody else well. And two way it's been experiencing grief have identified is that there's no brighter wrongly degrees. There is not a set timeline for greedy and and in fact when it comes to cuisine it is a lifelong process. That doesn't mean that it intensely hurts for your whole entire life. That it's really normal to have times where you think about the missing child or you wonder about the what ifs or siblings will think. Well I grew up as the oldest that if my sibling Haydn and lost in his parents I would have been in the middle child like those. Those types of things are really normal. And it's very powerful for someone to know that that is normal because they can relax into it. On rather than what we often do we think things that are abnormal is we try to push it down and we try to nominate we try to ignore RA and yet. That's strategy often doesn't. Right and out Nelly is their is there a difference between the healing process. For reproductive loss then there is Ford general loss like losing a parent. So I mean certainly there are some differences but there's a lot of commonality. In in the way that we feel and how it tends to be more intense in the early days. On after the las and how all of the loss itself can often be multiple losses that somebody. Will undergo I think the big difference is better cultured doesn't intend and acknowledge your reproductive fly so. When I lost my mother I received a lot of sympathy cards in the meanwhile. The typical person who loses a child through miscarriage of won't receive any. Truth and so those cards and tokens are really important I have friends who remember every year on the anniversary of my mom's death. They checked in with me they wanna spend time with me that's very special and important and it allows me nationally to know people are. Are thinking about Meehan and not in this alone that it allows to mean kiss me permission to talk about it if I want to. And with their reproductive last week off and don't have to act. Another wave that is different. Is that give meaning sample of my mother again I have pictures of my mom I have memories of my mom I if tokens. There are times when I'm missing her more than usual and I'll Wear a pair her earrings and I feel closer to her. But when there's a reproductive lives we often we it's an ambiguous last we haven't met the person we often don't have a picture. We don't have memories. And so it makes it more difficult to grieve and except about loss and to be able to kind of move forward into. The world without that person that she never got to now that it also makes it hard for people around us who want to support us because how do you talk about it. No you don't have shared memories. I that I can't that's why memorial eyes seen in a reproductive loss is so important because if I can sense of when a card if I can give them. A Booker ifs Handel or top commander navy we have some sort. And knowing him say very loosely of service to see meaning we come together and we acknowledged this. Not only barely acknowledging in memorializing that it actually now create a it's a way that we can talk about it. And we can hold those memories together at the date that we planted maturity or the day that we released the balloons. Or at birth through the rocks to the ocean like whatever would be meaningful for. So what about emotions. From a a miscarriage. Those emotions and emotions from the terminated pregnancy many different there as well. And guarantee. All of this we have now is I just feel like I have to say this everyone's experience is gonna be really unique and right now I think it's really important is it to acknowledge that. And I had envisioned that there would be a lot more difference between the Tinto. That I have found through. Content. In the research that we've done is to the people that we've spoken to in looking at some of the studies that there's much more similarity including. A stigma. Which you would manage in a statement to a pregnancy termination that we don't often think of that in terms of miscarriage. And yet many people feel they report in this pairs is an NPR steady surveyed. And they asked both men and women who experienced miscarriage. 50%. Of the respondents said that they felt guilty that somehow they caused it and 25%. Of them felt shame. And then talked about to them part of their shameless they felt like this complete betrayal of their body by the woman. And by the man that somehow he had done something. That had created somehow caused this does happen. And so uncertain believe that guilt and that same entire name is hopefully something that the person who is working through it. Will be able to accept in time that they didn't have control over this. And that will be an important part of their healing process but again there's that great overlap. On that she would have between the two so when I look at that explorer emotions page that I described a miscarriage Hertz dot com. And I flipped over and it looked at the same page on abortion changes you dot com. They're often very much the same and that's still I have to say that still surprises us as a team when we look at. So the said the website of viewers that you just mentioned. Is is it pretty much set up the same way as the miscarriage one. They're very very similar. And that two differences that there would be between the 21 of them is actually in the find help again I think another surprising. Seeing is that there's actually more. Organize used help that's networked firm lost after abortions and there is for a loss after miscarriage. So on abortion changes you dot com to find help is much more robust than it is on miscarriage hurts we hope in time that apple changed. The other thing I had mentioned that while where people could name their child that does not exist on abortion changes you dot com. No we do recognize that some people in the healing process decide that they want to do that. The Fed is very personal. And it just didn't seem like a web site was a place to do that it seemed like that needed to be. Maybe in consultation with someone close to them are professional to decide if that would even be something that they would want to do. Okay now again plowed online resource yes. But as you mentioned earlier on. Your training to professionals mental health professionals other. Health professionals training them so they can deal with these people and help these people absolutely. Yes the what what what kind of training. Are you offering them. So I mean tended just to kind of give them a little general picture of what somebody says Sam mental health professional with com. 21 of the training as a light prospectus offers. I'm in now they're going to be receiving an overview of how many people are impacted by a reproductive loss. How their impact did look at some of that evidence based research around it we look at the pairing you know Kris scale. Which has some surprising findings and it am probably the most. Surprising of all too used to people that there's this sign and women are going to be more impacted by men. And in the studies using appearing in increased Kelly yes women initially. Score higher that it two years her grief actually begins to diminish and his actually increases. Some interesting it is interesting there's theories around and that but debts and then at that point in time you're two years later. It's unlikely that anyone's gonna notice our talked to him about it and off saying he will say that he doesn't want to bring this up with his partner. He has he's afraid that it's gonna reignite. All of this grief with her. Unfortunately that just leaves him silent and alone. Where most women actually say they would really appreciate hearing that because they start to meet. Assumptions that are not accurate and they think it's it really impacts in the next. So there's this miscommunication. While he's trying to be protective of her is kind of a stereotypical thing. So we'll look at that and then into their necks their hour two we're gonna look at the importance. If intake. So how would I ask questions so that my client which feel comfortable disclosing her reproductive loss with me. And then what what I did to screen to see if that loss is resolved and resolved if it's resolved. Then we can look at what what did they bring to bear that help them to go through it because those strengths. Maybe they're very strengths you can tap into for what ever other issues they've brought to the counseling fashion. And if it's a result obviously normalizing increased. Giving them some resources and inviting them if they want to. To explore that loss smaller. And then an hour three they really get into practicing. So there in a practice what it would be like to do it taken screening in your first session. What would it look like in sessions after that for them. So our whole goal with our mental health team. Is to have somebody leave after three and a half hours and as they say you know what they're gonna do on Monday that they feel equipped that they can immediately began. You begin to. Do you proper intake screening and then if somebody doesn't on resolve loss you know how would I help. Them right that's great now we're almost out of time OK but I do wanna mention that you do have an event coming up. Later in the year life perspective side by side five cable sedate for this. That is on October 27 here I'm in San Diego at deanza coat we have another site and Dallas Texas as well that will focus and I can't Diego. It's are really great as that for people to cons you. And certainly it is a fund raiser it does help our organization to be able to offer training in particular the nonprofit organizations who often don't have. I'm a budget to offer training for their professionals. But it's also it's a lot of fun and and it's a time we can come invisibly. So each other that we're in this together. We're not in this alone and and how much does it to cost to register. It's 35 dollars for their registrations so that's not that's their bid its snacks. And some other goodies that they will have theirs is a bit of affairs so we have. You know local organizations and vendors who come with their wares in free music it's really the whole family at sent. It's a whole lot of fighting and and you give out awards to her we absolutely did you sell I'm lasers and and runners yet top fundraisers and his hand is how run and walk. It's a run in a lack of or stroll our crawl Alicia let whatever we have not my pace is is it is a stroke kidney but we have people who are really serious about Racine and and they left to come and then their broken up into age categories so there's all a lot of awards that are available for them as well and it's a great course on their by the bay via beautiful and how many years have you been doing this. Costs are five K we must begin not for over a decade. I know a couple of years ago. Changed the name of it because aren't the person running a five cages that I want people to really. Known that this is about. Taking strides towards healing together that's what she kept saying that that's that it tag line for she wanted to be fun she wanted to TV side by side in it together and can people register at your website. They shook hands on like prospectus dot com they can find their weights any of the healing web sites we talked about. They can get for information and training that they can also register for the decade any and all the money that's raised goes right back to life perspective right. It at any goes right back to the services meaning specifically. We try to funnel that into a lot of the training because we know the more leaders and professionals we can train. And the more people that there can reach team absolutely right. Any any advice that you can give us or somebody listening this morning. Is going through. You know having problems after reproductive loss any advice for them rain. I think and certainly if you're summoned his experience a loss years you're not alone. And that every year experiences. Busier experience. And and something that ought to be respected. Often we have mixed emotions and that's really normal tissue and there's a lot of resources available to certainly visiting a website or finding a trusted friend. That you can talk to about this in fact we have I mentioned earlier this safe place app. He might wanna suggest that your friends and family members download that and educate themselves. For that they'll be in a better place to support you because really grief is not something that we're meant to do alone I don't believe that. I think that grief with communal. And that when we can carry a burden together pampered and it's a whole lot later in its lot easier I think in and healing process. Probably goes a lot quicker if you're able to talk to somebody about it apps were absolutely keeping absolutely any signs away you know the thing is is that what we often. We're going through this type of process and with the statistics that you mentioned one out of for pregnancies. They will often be bumping into people who have had their own losses that have not been given a venue to talk about it so you can and support each other. Are there any signs that want to look for the communicate with a summons having a hard time. Following a reproductive loss. I think again everyone's time if timeline is going to be unique so I'm sometimes people make the mistake of judging it based upon the amount of time from the event. To whatever is going on now. I think fifteen to Italy concerned about is if you're seen unhealthy behaviors. So if you're seeing some in his numbing out in answer alcohol or drugs prescription drugs. In could be in a variety raising their overworking right if you've arson scene and numbing out. If they're having difficulty in our relationship are you mention a TT a decent times so someone is how I mean nightmares. If someone is still finding it. Impossible to walk down the did diaper IL act grocery store repeat these are signs. That aren't providing them with some more support in some more assistance. Would probably be really helpful for them okay once again your side by side five K October 27 yet. And now compete sign up now they that is absolutely hit the weight off but says the site is open in fact I mentioned at 35 dollar registration fee. I believe we still have an early bird special going on for 29 dollar so the sooner the better all right. And again your web site. It's life perspectives dot com and there are links to their two year other web sites and the other resources that people can find they actually iron if any amendment to contact us we also we'd love to hear from them in our he wants social media. We are so we do have our our FaceBook page it would probably be the main place to go to is it's like perspectives. All right great Mike Lee thanks for being announced Saturday appreciated thanks for all you're doing it. Like prospectus it's appreciated. I'll think he summits that concludes another addition of living better in San Diego the opinions expressed are living better San Diego did not necessarily reflect the opinions and views. Of the staff and management of the and a count San Diego radio stations. Episodes of living veteran San Diego are available on the station's website. Join me next week when will we talking about summer of grass the annual bluegrass festival that takes place in this. Until that I'm very late have a great week.